The life of our sweet son, Ira

HI everyone! I am starting this simple blog to help process though the many emotions, thoughts, and beliefs that one goes through when having experienced what my husband and I have in the past 4 days.

Our son, Ira Mac Heinberger was born on March 22, 2016, at 7:06am weighing 8.5lbs and was 22 inches long. He was perfect, a nice thick delicious little boy. When Ira was put on my chest, and I felt his heart beat for me, I knew that it was forever. I knew that this little person had changed my entire being forever. Shortly after birth, and due to unexplainable causes, our sweet son’s precious spirit went to be with Jesus. He only had his earthly body for 54 minutes. Knowing your child in human form, for such a brief time is a powerful, life changing event.

I am hoping for this to be a place, where I can not only process my own emotions, but also a place where others can come, read, and find healing along with me as I walk this difficult, extraordinary path.

Before I get into all that I’m learning through this experience let me get some practical things out of the way that I know people will have questions about. If you know me in person and I don’t answer your question, please take into consideration that I may not be ready to, and refrain from asking. If you haven’t suffered the loss of a child, it’s difficult to know how many factors play into processing it all, and being questioned, about nearly anything, by anyone is not something that helps. All we need to hear are things like, “You are a good mom,” “you are so brave,” “your baby was perfect.” Simple one liners are best. Even saying I’m sorry for your loss, is not helpful, at least for me. Everyone processes grief differently, but for me I am choosing to believe there is nothing lost about my son. He was perfect, and however shocking it was for me, I’ve chosen to believe that he fulfilled his entire purpose here on earth. He did exactly what he was designed to, I’m already seeing that everywhere. His life as already had more of an impact on this world than some people’s lives do in 80 years.

Some facts about my birth:

-I had a perfect pregnancy, there was never one sign of concern.

• I did choose to have an ultrasound for measurement, and all of his body’s organs were perfect in size, showing no flaws.

-My baby was in Left Occiput Anterior position (most ideal birth position) from 28 weeks on.

• I was fullterm when my baby was born, 38 weeks and 4 days.

My birth was a natural, home water birth and both my prenatal care and labor and delivery were through a Certified Nurse Midwife, Who is also an RN (equivalent education and credentials to a nurse practitioner or physicians assistant).

-I went into labor naturally (with the help of some caster oil and an oj chaser)

-I was in early labor for about 3 hours, and active labor for 7.5. I pushed for 35 minutes. There was no lag or complication during the process.

-I had fetal monitoring during my entire labor and his heart rate was in the 140’s the entire time, as it was throughout my whole pregnancy. My vitals were also monitored throughout my labor and never fluctuated.

-I did not tear during my birth.

-My baby Ira came out, I put him on my chest, and he started to breath, but wouldn’t let out a cry. It is my belief that it was close to the moment he was taken off of my chest for assistance that he was called back home to heaven.

-He was given medical assistance immediately, and at the ER within 8 minutes of birth.

-The doctors, medics, nurses and midwife were all perplex as to why he wasn’t responding to stimulation.

-The autopsy report came back as a medical anomaly. He was perfect. The pathologist spent 4 hours (normally they spend 1-1.5), thoroughly examining him and running lab tests and she was perplexed. She told the detective on our case to tell me that she wanted me to know she is stumped, and assure me that both my child and placenta were exceptionally healthy, and that I gave birth to a perfect baby boy.

So there it is, I know people have very strong opinions about the proper environment to have a baby and although I do not feel the need to defend myself or my choice to have my baby at home, I do want to use my experience to advocate for home birth mamas and let everyone know it is still a medical setting, there is still equipment necessary to assist a women and child if needed and we are not doing something barbaric. A certified nurse midwife will not allow a birth to take place at a home if there is any sign of potential complication and believe me, my midwife is a rock star. She moved way faster than any of the medics that came to my house… which is a whole other story.

SO what I’m trying to get across is, this is it as far as details about what happened, this is what I’m comfortable sharing, and if you have more questions, instead of asking me, please follow this blog. If you are patient, maybe one day, I’ll be ready to share more and you will have your answer.

If I am questioned in person, don’t be surprised if all you hear is, “It’s a really beautiful story… here is a card with my blog link and if you want to process along side me, pray for me, or be involved, follow my blog.”

I know so many people love and care for my husband and I, and we are so overwhelmingly thankful for that, but it is nearly too exhausting to think about what happened just in order to process it ourselves, let alone repeating our story over and over again to everyone who cares. So know we appreciate your love, and just telling us you’re here for us is very helpful.

There are some people putting together some tools to facilitate help for us, and once that is done I will post the information.

Love you all, thank you for taking the time to hear our story.

Thank you in advance for honoring our family by giving us privacy as we sort through the complexity of this. The gentle texts, and messages just to let us know you are thinking of us, proud of us, and praying for us are providing us with so much encouragement. We feel very covered.